Tuesday, January 03, 2006

High Maintenance Women

During a New Years eve gathering with friends and family the discussion of High Maintenance Women was hotly debated. Several of us men tried to explain the concept to some of the women in attendance.
This is not a complicated issue, especially for me since I would describe myself as High Maintenance.
Therefore, this is my literary 2 cents worth of knowledge and perspective on the issue.
First thing, you need to ask yourself some basic questions. There are quizzes all over the net, but I narrowed the questions down to the basics:

Do you change relationships often?
Do you get upset when your mate misses your birthday an anniversary?
Do you like it when your mate buys things for you? REPEAT!
Which do you prefer small, thoughtful gifts chosen for their personal value, or extravagant, possibly expensive PUBLIC displays of affection?
Do you expect things how you want them, when you want them?
Do you like to go out to expensive restaurants/clubs?
Do you often throw temper tantrums because of something he did but refuse to tell him?
Is social and or monetary status (particularly that of your mate) critical to YOUR existence. NOTE I SAID YOUR EXISTENCE! Is the need to disclose that important to you?

“High maintenance women are like high maintenance sports cars. They are lots of fun when you are out on the town together, but for every hour of showing off, there are another 10 hours spent on upkeep and repair behind the scenes.”
I stole that one but it fits!
HM women are those who NEED many things (money, material goods, affection) to be happy.
High maintenance women love dressing up whenever possible, and are obsessed with all aspects of their personal appearance and grooming in general. This almost obsessive attention to detail usually extends beyond their person, to their homes or apartments, their pets, and yes, evens their men.
In addition, they tend to be perfectionists, overachievers, self-centered, and a ridiculously vain.

More questions:
Do you pick out you own gifts on your birthday and at Christmas because people think you are so fussy that you would only return the gift anyway?
Do you often send back food in restaurants if it's not exactly to your liking?
Does you put make-up on whenever you go out, even if it's just to the grocery store?

HM women are arm candy, pure and simple. Their fascination with their own looks means that whenever they step out of the house, they look perfect.
HM women insists on being with a man who can match her when it comes to looks and status. They will NEVER date down (in their mind), under any circumstances.
HM women try to encourage and may even buy things on their own initiative that they think will better their mans appearance. They will give constant advice on grooming, whether it's about haircuts, which styles suit you, or what the heck you should do with that facial hair.
HM women insist on attention, (GOOD OR BAD) constant compliments and fancy dinners, they will demand the best of all these things.
HM women are straight shooters who are eager to let you know when they are not pleased. However, the problem is they cannot be satisfied! REPEAT, THEY CANNOT BE SATISFIED!
HM woman always want more of everything. She will find faults in ANY MANS best efforts, and for MOST men, some women just aren't worth the bother.
If they have lots of money to keep you away and happy for awhile fine, but if you have to spend too much time around them you will want to strangle them.
HM women are often victims of the "Princess Syndrome," or excessively precious behavior stemming from the belief that they are somehow above certain people, things and tasks. Some HM women may just flatly refuse to shoulder their share of the load. For example, HM women will always makes her mate do all the yard work and mowing because she is too "delicate" for it. Typically, they hate camping, hiking, loud parties, and more. This behavior is not good for developing and equal partnership.
But above all else, being HM means “Its about you”, every waking hour, every conversation, every trial, tribulation, IN FACT the sun revolves around THEM.
Every conversation, personal relationship, friendship hinges on themselves.
They will only care about what’s going on in your life IF it affects THEM!


Anonymous Terrymum said...

The darn "test cookie" thing is still showing up .... Maybe the blogspot folks can explain it to you Snoop???

I took one of the tests. It said I was low maintenance. Big surprise. That is not always a good thing. It can lead to me becoming a door mat if I'm not careful!

I think high or low are - as with many things - a question of balance and perspective. In some people's books, it's too much to ask that they leave the lid down on a toilet. While other people are willing to do whatever it takes in order to make sure their mate, friends, spouse etc. stays happy.

I do think that some people need more attention then others. I am pretty high maintenance when it comes to getting enough attention. I really like lots of attention. Good attention that is. I can live without negative attention.

And it depends upon the source of the attention. I don't have to have everyone in a room paying attention to me in order to be happy. Just attention from those who matter most to me! For example, I can easily get my feelings hurt if I don't get enough of my man's time and attention. Lucky for me, he needs my attention & time too, so we get enough of it to keep us both happy.

So I need to get my fair share of good things in life, in order to be happy. I don't need lots of material things to make me feel loved and secure. I am likely to be "Plain faced" around my man without being self-conscience (bless his heart) and am also very likely to be wearing clothing from Goodwill, and happy to say so! But I would/will throw a hissy fit if my good nature is abused too much!

I think it may have something to do with focus. HM people typically are very aware of themselves and how most things impact them. LM people are more outward focused, meaning they are so aware of other people that their own needs fade. QA low maintenance person can go a whole night just listening to other people and not once thinking about how it relates to them. A high maitenance woman or man cannot usually go a whole day without bringing up the topic of what she/he thinks or feels or has done or not done. They are listening for topics that impact them or interest them, and they are talking about topics that impact or interest them. Other things and people are just boring.

Anonymous Girlie-Girl said...

I have been called high maintenance and yet I do not believe that it means I think only of myself. It is NOT a term I coined for myself but, instead, is a term affixed to me by others. It is a descriptor intended to encapsulate my complete persona based on an external view of "me".

I find myself termed high maintenance because I have standards of behavior relative to what I expect and how I expect to be treated in an intimate relationship. Keep in mind that a "high maintenance" woman is not perceived as such because the individuals who label her as such are all in an intimate relationship with her....I, however, prefer to keep my comments specific to my intimate relationships. Attention to personal hygiene, make-up, style of hair, etc....all are rather fundamental to a healthy sense of "self"...whatever the choices in those areas may be for any individual. To have regular manicures is NOT high maintenance....but a choice in the manner in which nailcare will be achieved....or NOT achieved.

Okay.....so back to being high maintenance. There are things that I need in a relationship to feel cared for....and attention is important. I can be ignored by anyone....I am not going to invest my personal energy into learning another individual and giving of my spiritual energy to that person to be over-looked. That doesn't work for me. But, I don't want to have to "ask for that attention" either. It has to be inherent in the man to give it to me....THAT'S the main issue.

As a high maintenance woman....If I have to "ask/request/demand" what I need....it doesn't meet my need. I take responsibility for communicating for myself....and explaining my perspective(s)....but, I can't have to ask for the fundamentals.

A man who wants a woman who is high maintenance is a man who has a strong sense of self-esteem, self-confidence and the ability to achieve goals he sets for himself in all other areas of life. He has to have the ability to give what it takes to have the woman he wants....if he can't do that....he needs a woman who requires less of him.

I have high standards when it comes to intimacy and consistent patterns of behavior in an intimate relationship. Nothing unusual there...I'd like to think that most women do. I could be wrong...hence the term "high maintenance" gets applied to me.

Yes...I can draw attention by walking into a room....I don't intend to....but, I do....it is not by MY design....it's the value OTHER PEOPLE place on physical attributes such as height, body build, weight (or lack of excessive weight)...long legs....easy smile....stuff like that. I didn't do it....I didn't set those physical standards....so when people say that I HAVE to have attention....that's no so much the case as I have never been without it....to get attention is my "norm"....I have learned over time to handle it with some grace....I used to wonder what was wrong with me that people stared at me all the time....but, I'm older and just don't worry about that so much any more.

High Maintenance is a term used to describe women (and men) who don't let someone else determine what it is that will be sufficient to meet their core needs or meet their core values.

I enjoy getting to know people....and nothing is all about me. If I appear aloof it is because I am uncertain of how others are going to approach me and I am pretty certain somebody is going to tell me how "gorgeous" I am and that will make me uncomfortable and then I'll have to graciously say thank you....or I will try to find a friendly face in the room and instead everyone seems to be just staring at me.......I don't know who I can speak to who will actually be nice to me. (Women can be terribly unfriendly to people like me.) I don't know if the gentleman smiling me is nice or just setting the stage for a less than decent suggestion later in the evening.....

High Maintenance means that for me that I have learned to withhold my "self" and watch the behaviors of interested males to see what they do "naturally". I'm not into re-designing any man.....

I WANT to tromp through the woods...but, I get invited to wine dinners....I WANT to drive go to the Lake and just watch the sunlight dance on the water....but, the mode of transportation is not typically a car and once there....it assumed that I want to be "out in the boat".....My father cut the grass, put gas in the cars, checked the oil, painted the house and took the trash out....He treated me like a Princess...his only expectation was that I "act like one". He created my lack of familiarity with "chores"....My mother cooked all the meals....I didn't know how to cook because I was busy achieving the impossible in high school and college.

Many of us "high maintenance" women are created by our loving parents and our doting fathers, in particular....It's hard to find a man that can live up to the standards set by "Daddy".

Okay....I'm high maintenance....but, I'm a really nice person and a lot of fun if you get to know me!

Anonymous Terrymum said...

As I told my sweetie last night, it's not an inditement when I say it about him. It can be criticism from some people. But for me, it just means that he has higher or more established and firmer standards (then I do) about lots of things. I am easy going about almost everything. Always have been. I wasn't allowed to be a princess, in any way shape or form. So I'm not. He, on the other hand, often acts like he was born with a silver spoon up his ass! For him, it means that most of the time he doesn't give a rat's ass about what most people think or need, especially about or involving him. He knows his own mind, and he does whatever he can to make sure he's happy. And if and when he is happy, then he next tries to make sure those he loves are happy. That means it is in my own interest to keep him happy.

I'm almost 180 degrees the opposite. It's almost impossible for me to be happy if those around me aren't happy too. I walk into a room and have no idea or care about what people are thinking about me. Whether I am quiet or friendly, I am quite honestly 99% lacking in self-awareness. I am mostly focused on other people and what they want/need.

I'm externally focused and he is internally focused. Neither is right or wrong. They're just different view points of the world. We probably need both kinds of people in this world, and in our lives, to balance things out. It only becomes a problem if/when the outward focused people (like me) become TOO concerned about other people to the point they allow themselves to be abused or hurt too much, OR when inward focused people (like him) become TOO concerned about what they are needing/wanting to the point they hurt other people without good cause. Balance in all things.

But, knowing that there IS a difference in focus and emphasis is very helpful in understanding how one is perceived, and why. When a high maintanence person is talking to someone else about that someone else's life, it doesn't mean that the focus has shifted one bit. People can SENSE who really is pretending to care and who really does care, and about what. Even if they cannot put their finger on it, or articulate why, it is fairly easy to sense when someone really cares about you and when they are just smiling so you'll not hate them!

There are probably a ton of women who do not get manicures or pedicures, ever. And it doesn' t mean they are big fat slobs. Ask around any office and find out who gets their nails done and who doesn't. Then put them into low and high maintenance groupings based upon other conduct and personality traits. I bet that most women who have their nails done all the time are fairly high mainte (or would like to be! LOL). Women who don't have their nails done are not automatically lacking in proper hygiene!! It may just mean that they have other priorities for how they use their time and money. It is quite possible to keep yourself clean and nice looking without going to much trouble. It's the attention to details - and how much time one spends on oneself - that sometimes helps draw the line between high and low M folks.

And thinking that everyone in a room who initially stares at you is jealous or bowled over by your appearances sounds pretty darn conceited. It may be true, in part or 100%, but my Mama taught me that most people don't really think all that much about "you" because they are far too busy thinking about themselves!! I bet that Julia Roberts and her ilk have similar complaints. And yet, she married Lyle Lovett (for awhile), so you know she can lower her standards in some cases! LOL.

Anonymous Beentheredonethat said...

Hey Girly: If you WANT to tromp thru the woods, etc. what is stopping you? If you don't want to do it alone, you can always ask someone to go with you! It's a free country - if you want to learn to do new things (chores) there are ways to learn.... So admit it - you love being a princess and have no intention of being anything else in life! Stop kidding yourself (and others) about what you prefer and want/need in life!!

Anonymous Snoop said...

Girlie-Girl, maybe because old Snoop is a simpleton but High Maintenance simply boils down to, how much effort is needed to sustain a relationship above and beyond what is required for the average person.

Read the blog entry again.

This paragraph: “High maintenance women are like high maintenance sports cars. They are lots of fun when you are out on the town together, but for every hour of showing off, there are another 10 hours spent on upkeep and repair behind the scenes.”

Any relationship takes work, BUT, if being with or around a HM woman required MORE effort to appease them, that is the point.
This discussion has nothing to do with how or what YOU think of yourself.
How others perceive you IS the point because they are the ones who must deal with you.

“Many of us "high maintenance" women are created by our loving parents and our doting fathers, in particular”

That don’t have jack to do with anything. You don’t “create” HM personalities (in my opinion)

You and many other women keep equating HM with “high standards” that tis a crock!
You can either be Ghetto fabulous or Trailer Fab and be HM.

Anonymous Bolt said...

High maintenance people intentionally develop the attitude that they are above everybody else to hide the fact that they are really screwed up inside. Being the princess is the ultimate goal.

Anonymous J.T said...

“I bet that most women who have their nails done all the time are fairly high mainte (or would like to be! LOL). Women who don't have their nails done are not automatically lacking in proper hygiene!! It may just mean that they have other priorities for how they use their time and money. It is quite possible to keep yourself clean and nice looking without going to much trouble. It's the attention to details - and how much time one spends on oneself - that sometimes helps draw the line between high and low M folks.”

The difference GG between high m chicks and others is high m’s believe looking good (getting nails done) is their birthright and that they are doing the rest of us slobs a favor by raising their standards and hopefully the rest of us will follow suit. It is simple arrogance.

Other women may just simply say I want my nails done every week just to treat myself to something nice each week.
The purely do this for simple pleasure. If you notice fine, if not that is fine too.

The high m chick will tell everybody in the office that she got her nails done, where, how much it cost, whatever.

Anonymous Girlie-Girl said...

To Beentheredonethat:

I didn't say that I "don't" tromp through the woods....I said I don't get INVITED to tromp through the woods. I do not limit my life experiences to those invitations I do or do not receive. My point was help illustrate that people don't "see" me doing something like that and therefore don't typically think of me when those activities are on the agenda....unless, of course, they "know me".

And let's get something straight.....

There are many, many men who WANT, NEED and PREFER to treat a woman like a Princess...whether she is self-proclaimed, created by circumstance or just wishes to be.....There are many extremely galant, elegant men who are absolutely incredible in their ability to treat a women wonderfully.

There are also many men who WANT, NEED and PREFER to seek out women who will appreciate being treated in such manner. Many of those men do what most people do to identify such a woman....they assess the exterior first.....before making a commitment to learn more about her to determine accuracy in their assessment.

There are many men who treat me like a Princess because that is the way they believe I SHOULD BE TREATED and that's who THEY ARE.

Just as there are High Maintenance Women....there are men who want nothing less. So....just as there are those expensive, time consuming cars....there are individuals who want nothing less and will settle for nothing less and if necessary will hire someone to shine the headlights for 10 hours....the person who has paid for the car, however, is the only one who "drives it" and gets the public acknowledgement of having such a car (not to insinuate that women can be owned....or men either for that matter....just trying to stick with the analogy put in place by Snoop!).

Do I make myself clear....I am High Maintenance and there would be no purpose served to it other than to be personally miserable if there were not men (or at least one man who gets that pleasure...wink!) who consider a High Maintenance woman to be the only kind of woman they truly want.

And let's also remember....a High Maintenance Woman is typically a woman who is able to hold an intelligent conversation....see "through the man" and provide him with the intensity of relationship that other women don't....why can we do that....because we believe we SHOULD be able to speak our minds and be loved for it.

High Maintenance Women are not brainless...instead....we have excellent social skills...it's a mandatory part of our "charm".

Like I said....most people don't realize that my favorite head gear is a cowboy hat, either....but, when they see me wearing it....I still get the: "My God....You're Gorgeous!" or "You're the best looking cowgirl I've seen in a long time, little 'missy'"....or my all time favorite...."You're absolutely beautiful....Do you 'ride', too??".......All because I put on a cowboy hat on a bad hair day........Go figure!

Beentheredonethat.....I have tromped in the woods.....with the one person who knew that I'd enjoy it....nobody else cares to get to know "me" well enough and I'm not going out of my way to show myself to be a "regular girl".....I don't owe that to anyone. Relationships require mutual effort...it's not my job to make people comfortable with me....it's tiresome and doesn't work anyway.

Anonymous Terrymum said...

I do think that parents can help create or at least foster high maintenance tendencies. IF a parent teaches an emphasis on self or things, a child is liable to pick up on those values, just as parents who could care less about who belongs to what club or who is better/worse then "us" foster egalitarian children. So, while character and personality may be innate, certain behaviors and value systems are fostered (or discouraged) by parents! I cannot imagine my parents doing anything but laugh (or worse) at a child who thought she or he was better than anyone else! (Or worse)!

I agree with Bolt to some degree - most HM people (male and female) that I personally know are not ALL THAT SECURE that their S*** doesn't stink. They just act like they believe it, and may even actually sort of believe it on a surface level. But all the primping and demanding and ANGER that they display, together with a ton of belly-button self examination that never ends, may evidence a deep seated insecurity.

Really secure people are happy almost all the time. They really could care less about what other people think about them or how they are perceived by the world. Secure people like themselves, a lot, and are willing and able to easily like other people. They are far less likely to judge others or to believe that others are judging them.

To the HM person, the world is some kind of contest to win or lose, and the tools & defenses they use to achieve and overcome are necessary to staving off failure (in their minds). They honestly believe that most people would like them far less if they weren't so attractive, or smart, or accomplished, etc. etc. etc. That is sad to me. But I understand it.

For there ARE people who judge others on such csurface riteria. The "wanna be's" and "Cling-ons" who think the popular kids always had/have more fun; the country club kids who think the trailer park kids can never live in a nicer place; the debutante and dilettante who think they are really helping "those poor people" with their condescending charity and attitudes; and the folks like my ex mother-in-law who truly in her heart believed that rich people really were, somehow, better people. Sad sad sad.

Anonymous Girlie-Girl said...

JT -

What you describe is NOT a high maintenance woman....What you described is a woman with a self-esteem problem. High Maintenance Women typically don't have an outright problem with a low sense of esteem....they simply have innate standards of conduct for themselves and others that most others are not comfortable with either pursuing or acknowledging. We may not trust others to accept us as we are....but that's not an esteem problem within ourselves....it is an issue with managing the bias, stereotyping and prejudice we find in others.

A High Maintenance Woman does not see herself as being "special"....it is OTHERS who label her as such and when she gets her nails done....She is typically genuinely surprised that ANYONE would call her "names" such as high maintenance for doing what comes naturally....Do people label individuals who brush their TEETH??? NO....because it is expected. Women who get manicures/pedicures or take that rourtine two hour bath with candlelight and a glass of wine dont' see that behavior as being special....she's (I'm) just doing what feels right for me.....

A woman who has to announce what she does is simply not High Maintenance....The only reason I know I'm High Maintenance is because that's what EVERY man has called me....that is what my female friends call me....I am just now getting the least bit comfortable with it on a personal level. The men who have told me that I am high maintenance have without exception NEVER stepped BACK from doing what it takes to "have me".....they simply tell me that I am high maintenance and then they go about the business of outdoing themselves in taking care of my needs...within the context of an intimate relationship.

And TRUE High Maintenance Women give as good as they get....THAT'S the secret reason the men want us and keep us. Just like that expensive race car....we can do what other cars simplly can't, we make it look easy and feels like nothing else can........It's just the way we are "built/wired/designed".....we can be/do nothing else.....We feel like we were made for the man who "drives us"....and nothing can beat that.

We may cost a bit more and require more care.....but a real high maintenance woman is definitely worth it ....because she's a natural......she's not faking it....we are just who we are......nothing unncessary....we were taught to be a quality person.....what wrong with THAT???

Anonymous Terrymum said...

Definitions are so hard to pin down...so we're all using examples.

Here's a possible definition I'll throw out - HM means someone who is harder to please then most people.

Does that work for you?

Anonymous Girlie-Girl said...

Bolt -

Most "High Maintenance People" would never intentionally harm or denigrate another human being just to feel superior/better/worth more.....

We don't NEED to do that.....it doesn't even occur to us to do something like that to another human being. We are STILL human beings....just different in our journey through life and what we look like to others as we muddle through.

We are NOT above ANYBODY....we are just seen as differently focused based on our exterior.

Again....a true high maintenance person is NOt "thinking" about being high maintenance...and we do not spend time worrying about what other people think of us....We just "don't"....and THAT is what makes some people upset with us....they can't impact us at all with a untoward comment. We simply don't respond....by the time we are adults....we've been going through that all our lives.

When a man busts his butt to hold a door open for me....I thank him and give him the biggest smile I can muster....BECAUSE HE DESERVES TO BE APPRECIATED FOR BEING KIND TO ME.

Other women have told me that I'm flirting....MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE ANY KINDNESSES SHOWN TO ME BY ANYONE. What else can I do except smile and say, "THANK YOU!" His parents deserve for HIM to be appreciated for being such a gentleman. And yes....I have nearly NEVER had to open a door for myself when in a public setting....because there are just THAT MANY TRULY GRACIOUS MEN IN THE WORLD and I think that they are all wonderful people. They do not HAVE to hold a door open for me....or open a door for me when they see me coming....BUT THEY DO.....and I think they are wonderful for doing it.

I dont' wear a sign that says open that door for me or I'll scream.....they open the door for me because THEY were taught to be a gracious man in a world that doesn't appreciate gracious men nearly enough.....I do.....and I've come to expect men to open doors for me because they just do....maybe it's because I'm in the midwest...but, we have gentle-men here and I adore them all. They are precious, American men....those doors can be heavier than all get out....and they can hold that door open with ONE ARM.....I just love seeing what a man can do when he wants to do it! And he's not even thinking it's special....but, I marvel at their male-ness.

and by the way....those men let me go in front of them in line AFTER we are in the store....they will pump my gas for me....anything....because they get APPRECIATED.....they deserve it....men are wonderful.....they do so much for so many and get nothing for it....and when they hold the door open for a woman who says, thank you....he's accused of flirting and she's called high maintenance......geez....can't they both just be decent human beings!?!

Anonymous Girlie-girl said...

Hi, Terrymum!!!

NO, that definition doen't. I don't believe that I'm harder to "please". I'm easy to please if you are meeting the expectations. It's the difference between being a defensive end and an offensive tackle. The D-end gets to HIT somebody and that's the expectation. The O-Lineman blocks....to expect him to actual hit, wrap and drag somebody down is placing an expectation on him that he may be able to meet with some practice but NOT what he was expecting to do as an O-Lineman. Likewise, to expect the D-end to blitz and do nothing except stand in front of the quarterback when he gets to him is asking him to go against his understanding of his "job/role".

SO....some men have no problem with what is expected because they know what their position is on the team....what they MAY have a problem doing is adjusting to the defensive scheme....the audibles....the nuances of the way a particualr defensive coach wants them to PLAY their position....but there is NO QUESTION as to whether they are th best for the slot. It is unreasonable to ask a D-end NOT to sack the quarter back when he gets off the ball....never gets touched and the quarterback still has the ball in hand....likewise...some men will want to have a Princess....some men don't....different position....same game....and we need both...D-ends and O-Linemen...not to mention all the other guys out there....LOL!!

What I'm trying to articulate is that...some men are prepared to be a D-end and actually want to play defense on "my team".....what they may (or may not) struggle with is the playbook that I present.....I may have more defensive packages that I expect him to run....than the team he was on before.....or any team he has ever played for......but, he WANTS to play on MY TEAM because he wants to prove his skills....that he's JUST THAT GOOD....In fact, he ENJOYS BEING CONSIDERED ONE OF THE BEST D-ENDS IN THE GAME and he has worked hard to qualify for a team like "mine".....He doesn't care that he has to be in the weight room all 12 months of the year...working hard to build muscle and maintain extraordinary speed.....he WANTS that challenge to be his best.....When he is named MVP of the game....he KNOWS that he earned it....he appreciates the honor and his teammates and players on other teams KNOW that he's one of the best.....

As a HM woman....it's sort of like that. If he can handle "me".....he's one of the best...he knows it and I know it.....and it works for both of us.

At any rate.....Hope this made some sense....it did to be when I started typing....now I'm not so sure....LOL!!!

Anonymous Snoop said...

Damm don't y'all have a job!! LOL! I missed all of this.

Again....a true high maintenance person is NOt "thinking" about being high maintenance...and we do not spend time worrying about what other people think of us.

Sure they do.

Now GG you are processing this WAY too much.

I’ll repeat “how much effort is needed to sustain a relationship above and beyond what is required for the average person.”

Forget all of this other stuff and examples. It not about men opening doors, men pumping gas for you (mainly because when men do nice shit for women is about trying to get into their paints, nothing else), cont: getting nails done, “We don't NEED to do that.....it doesn't even occur to us to do something like that to another human being. We are STILL human beings....just different in our journey through life............” bla bla bla.


“how much effort is needed to sustain a relationship above and beyond what is required for the average person.”

one more time........

“how much effort is needed to sustain a relationship above and beyond what is required for the average person.”

Anonymous Terrymum said...

Speaking as a Low M person married to an admitted High M person - it takes a lot more to make/keep him happy then it does me. Is it worth it? To me, yes it is (most of the time). Does it make it harder to please him? Yes, it does (most of the time). Would he put up with having to please someone else who is High M? Probably not, but maybe. Let's hope we never know because I hope to keep him happy with me!!

Anonymous Kathy Doe said...

“Low maintenance" women (wives) in my case means that she does not require that her husband spend a lot of effort trying to please her and does not give him a hard time about things. Or, it could refer to her appearance as well. That is, she doesn't spend a lot of time and effort on make-up and such. On the flip side, there is the "high maintenance" woman who is just the opposite.

My daughter is high maintenance.

Always hitting me up for cash for:
tanning salon, special nail treatments, skin treatments, hair treatments etc. etc.

The question "is there a synonym?" I think must be answered No. It takes 6 to 8 words minimum to encompass all the facets of "high maintenance." Self-involved, vain, expensive, demanding, materialistic.

In addition, the 'high' and 'low' maintenance concept is about greed in divorce. unassuming women who are content with provision for the necessities would have lower monthly ('alimony') maintenance payments, whereas women who fit the other definitions of 'high maintenance' are going try to screw the ex for expensive fripperies.

In "When Harry met Sally" - the guy explains that the woman (Meg Ryan) thinks she is low maintenance because she has a salad but imposes about 10 different conditions about the salad which makes her 'high maintenance'.

Anonymous Tone K. said...

Snoop, I agree this is a very simple issue High maintenance women need attention, appreciation and affection. It's a simple fact. It must be constant and consistent. It is the fuel that drives a high maintenance woman’s existence.
The better you can make her feel, mans perspective of course, how nice is your car, how much money you make, you job title or prestigious position, do you have a nice home, can you shower her with all the trappings “she believes” she deserves?
High maintenance women will usually suck you dry emotionally, financially, mentally, spiritually.

Anonymous blank said...

It may interest you to know how to watch out for high-maintenance women and why guys would do best to stay away from them.

1. She is vain. You like looking at her, and she likes looking at herself as well. You will probably spend half of your relationship waiting for her to come out of the bathroom wwhile she gets ready. In the beginning she may take your breath away with how she looks after all those hours of getting ready. Pretty soon after, she’ll just take your breath away with all those hours she took from you.

2. She will have an annoying pet. It will not be a reliable spaniel, a hardy German Sheperd, a cool snake pet or even a quirky lizard of some sort. It will be a yapping pet like a chihuahua or something. And they will carry it with them everywhere with the two of you. Do you really wanna travel with an oversized rat?

3. She will make outrageous demands with a smile. And you will be the sucker who falls for it. And dont’ think she won’t make demands on behalf of that annoying pet as well. She may even ask you to lift a cup to her mouth while she sips (ah, google it). Other demands I’ve heard from “real” women (and these are all true):

-”He has to like to drink milk”
-”There’s a certain way I like him to fold the laundry”
-”It’s just not gonna cut it if he stands up while I’m still eating…even to go to the bathroom”

There’s also the shoes that cost more than your car payment, the diamond ring that has to be a certain carat. The list is endless.

4. She will probably be an airhead. The average IQ of a high-maintenance woman is about the same as their average weight, 102. This has been proven by the Association of Intellectually Average Women Wearing A Size 10. I probably had you foolded for a second.

Are high-maintenance women necessarily dumb? Probably not. But I like to say they are.

5. They all soon lose their lustre. Years down the road, when you’re worn out from keeping up with her demands, broke, and disgusted with her shallowness, you will look at her and she will be middle-aged, graying, and not so good-looking anymore. And suddenly, it all won’t have been worth it.

Anonymous beentheredonethat said...

High M people aren't necessarily selfish folks. But they have to be on guard against that trait because they ARE so VERY FOCUSED upon having all of their (many) needs met!!! It's a short distance between "I have a right to expect to be treated well" to "I have a right to get my way in all things!" Girly Girl - you sound like a lot of work to me. Good thing you have a man who is up to the job (LOL) - Sounds like a 24/7 job!

Anonymous Terrrymum said...

Tone K - all women (and probably men) need some fair amount of attention and appreciation from their partner(s)! It may be a question of degree and amount. I am considered Low M by most people, but I have to say that if my mate fails to appreciat me or give me enough attention, I can get VERY crabby indeed!!!

Anonymous Girlie-Girl said...


I have no idea what a HM woman requires above the norm to have a relationship....How would I??? HM or not....that's judging something I have no experience with as far as what you mean....by "average"....that's too subjective.

I wouldn't have thought that a man was trying to get in my pants because he opens a door for me or pumps my gas....since he's not going to get that experience....I have always assumed that he was being a nice and decent human being and I maintain that many (indeed most) men are exactly that.....trying to be nice, decent human beings.

I am really amazed at the amount of angst and venom levied on this blog toward women who are considered to be HM. It sounds a though there have been a few fellas out there who were unsuccessful at pleasing a woman and decided she was high maintenance.

And quite frankly....every woman CAN do and does do without ANYTHING she can't get/have....it's how she feels about it over the long-term that makes all the difference.

And keep in mind....the things that Daddy and Mommy provided that "we" NEVER even thought to ask for also helped set expectations/standards....it's just "there".....you don't ask for it....it comes to you because it "does/should"....I guess. If it doesn't come automatically then you work and earn it if it means that much......period.

I am a mother of two and for about 20 years....I transferred my "standard" of what is just "expected to be provided" to my children. I provided for them because that was my "job"......It was my joy to provide experiences/things for my children.....they are not spoiled....but, their significant others refer to them as "high maintenance"........due to their expectations.....and my children are male.

and the beat goes on.....

Anonymous Tone K said...

“It may be a question of degree and amount.”

High maintenance women “need” attention, appreciation and affection. It's a simple fact. It must be constant and consistent. It is the fuel that drives a high maintenance woman’s existence.

Ok what did I miss, Terrymum

Anonymous Terrymum said...

We ALL need attention and appreciation and affection. Not just high maintenance men or women. All people need those things. Heck, even pets need some of those things from time to time (in order to be happy). But some people need those things to be expressed/given more often, in more ways, and with greater frequency. Those high need folks are the High M people. While lower M people can get by with less attention, apprciation and affection, over all and in general. But we all need those thing, to some degree or other. Get it now?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jula Jane's book was nicely contrasted in the book American Epidemic: High Maintenance Women.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It seems like the vast majority of American women are high maintenance these days. A common goal among high maintenance women is to find a rich man who who will pamper them and save them from a life of hard work. This type of female only wants to be a made man's trophy wife. If you aren't rich and established, this woman will refuse to even glance at you. Being a man and not having alot of money in America, is like being a man and not having a penis. I also believe that most American women have a false sense of superiority over men. High maintenance American women also have surrealistically high standards for men as well. As men we are expected to be rich, successful, athletic, tall, super-handsome outgoing conversationalists. Even if you possess most of these traits, it is not promised that any American woman will actually agree to date you. Most American women fail to realize how beligerent and hurtful they can be when they ignore and or reject men they feel aren't good enough for them. In addition, most of these women don't appreciate all the effort a man single-handedly puts into initiating a relationship as well as sustaining it financially.

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mostly since she isnt performing it correct. i do what she wants and
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

the High Maintenance Women out there are so very sad and pathetic today, especially the ones that think they are all that which they have a very limited IQ to begin with. So Sad.


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