REVEALED AT LAST... THE THINGS WOMEN REALLY THINK ABOUT WHILE HAVING SEX!
By Mark Miller
TOP HUMAN sexuality research team has just revealed the answer to one of man's greatest, age-old quandaries about women -- namely, what women think about while having sex!
The results of the five-year research study, published in the current Journal of Psychological Sexuality, make it clear that while in the midst of the typical act of intercourse, women have quite a lot on their minds.
"This contradicts the popular theory that during sex, women's minds go blank so they can focus totally on giving and receiving pleasure," reveals research study leader Rana Thomas, of the Spaulding Institute. "According to our research, the only time women's minds actually go blank is when they're attempting to watch and understand a sports game."
For the study, women were asked to fill out detailed questionnaires of their thoughts during each sex act. Some enthusiastic participants even filled out the questionnaires during their sex acts. The results -- 97 percent of women think about some or all of the following while making love:
•Whether or not she loves her partner and he loves her.
•If his sexual technique is "pleasing her."
•Her next shopping excursion.
•"While I appreciate the energy he's expending to find my G-Spot, he's no Christopher Columbus."
•Haagen-Dazs Chocolate Chocolate-Chip ice cream.
•"That ceiling could sure use another coating of paint."
•Whether her partner might think her rear end is too fat.
•Jackhammers. The remaining 3 percent of the women surveyed, who are primarily members of the Religious Right, were preoccupied during sex with the following thoughts:
•Hoping it ends soon.
•"Things would be so much less icky if people didn't have genitals."
•Her husband in a nice suit.
•Shoes. In comparison, a similar research study directed toward men, revealed that 100 percent of all men, during sex, are thinking about:
•"Oh, yeah, baby, I bet you never had it this good!"
•Friends, neighbors, and relatives they'd like to "bang."
•Favorite sports teams.
•Their dream job -- being a photographer for Playboy magazine.
•Acquiring the superpower of X-ray vision to see through women's clothing.
•Winning the state lottery.
•Jackhammers. Thomas is already at work on related studies, including what gays and lesbians think about during sex, what animals think about during sex, and what space aliens think about during sex.