Monday, September 12, 2005

Signs You Might Be a Liberal



1. You think Ted Koppel's Hair is real!

2. You like to give to charities - with other people's money.

3. You think free love is sheik and still wonder why your third marriage just went down the toilet.

4. Whenever an intern disappears in Washington, you say it's all about sex.

5. Your father wore flowers and your mother wore army boots in the sixties.

6. You think Al Gore won the election in 2000.

7. You fondly recall Stalin as "Uncle Joe".

8. You think the second amendment is the right to keep and bear a white flag.

9. Whenever you hear Rush Limbaugh's name mentioned you foam at the mouth and your knee jerks.

10. When hooligans throw rocks at police, you call it civil disobedience, when Republicans protest a fixed election you call it a riot.

11. If you nod your head and genuflect when Ted Kennedy speaks (or belches) then you might be a liberal.

12. If you went to prep school, got your bachelor's, master's, doctorate; you teach in a university, and still imagine that you know all about the real world, then you might be a liberal.

13. If you think evangelical is a dirty word you might be a liberal.

14. If you make sure to invite a lone conservative to your chic (not sheik) party because you want to show people how open-minded you are then you might be a liberal.

15. If you think alcoholics are disabled and deserve Social Security (or should be elected to be the senior senator from Massachussettes) then you might be a liberal.

16. If you eat granola bars for breakfast, salad greens for lunch, quiche for supper and then wake up hungry in the middle of the night and eat a whole quart of ice cream...and still think you are eating healthy, then you might be a liberal.

17. If you think rats, mice and houseflies are people, too, then you might be a liberal.

18. If you burried your dead goldfish in the compost bin because you thought it would be good for the environment then you might be a liberal.

19. If you think the government can solve your personal problems then you might be a liberal.

20. And our favorite: You might be a liberal if your FIVE-YEAR-OLD tells YOU what to do!

21. "You might be a liberal if you give money to the homeless man on the corner of the freeway, but you turn up your nose every time you see a boy scout."

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