Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?


Sue me! I saw this on the Today Show. This is a no brainer. The answer is Hell no! The only way this works is if the two individuals are not physically attracted to each other in any way. The other is if the two for the most part are usually in-group settings, for example sports league or church activities. Another way is if the woman is on a higher financial or social standing and SHE looks at the guy in a purely platonic manner she simply views him as a friendly voice. But don’t go thrashing your hair around or wearing low cut sweaters around dude, c’mon ladies get real! ON THE OTHER HAND, IF THE GUY IS GAY, YUP THAT COULD WORK!
Let us not be delusional people. Men are pigs, yes there are exceptions but we are talking about a very simplistic species. Note the second prayer.



FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. Amen.


MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. Amen


by Les & Leslie Parrott
The Center for Relationship Development

For many people, the idea of a man and a woman being friends is charming but improbable. "It always leads to something else," they argue, meaning the relationship eventually becomes romantic or soon fizzles out. Perhaps they are right. After all, in contrast to the countless love stories we see in the movies, male-female friendships are rarely acclaimed or depicted as an ongoing, freestanding bond. How many stories can you think of that richly portray or endorse the lasting, devoted friendship of a man and a woman as an end in itself? Even the acclaimed film When Harry Met Sally, which got a lot of people talking about cross-gender friendships, ultimately proved to be another tale of romantic love. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan's tumultuous and endearing friendship is only a stage in the development of the more celebrated attachment of falling in love.

On the other hand, there are those who are surprised by the question and argue that of course male-female friendships are possible; why wouldn't they be? These people's persuasiveness almost makes the romantic pull of such relationships seem unusual. They seem to ignore romantic possibilities in these friendships altogether. "One of my best friends is a woman," the male proponent of this perspective insists. "And it's never crossed my mind to consider her in a romantic way." Well, that takes care of that. "My friendships with men are far less complex than my friendships with women," a female with this position might say. "My guy friends and I can play sports and just have fun."

In our informal survey of people who are "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex, we heard a number of positive remarks, mostly stemming from the unique way God wired men and women. Over and over, men spoke about how a woman's friendship provided them with a level of nurturing not generally available in their relationships with men. They said things such as, "I don't have to play the macho game with women. I can show my weaknesses to a female friend and she'll still accept me." When we asked women about their friendships with men, we heard comments such as, "He is a good sounding board for getting the male perspective, the kind I can't get from my women friends."

Interestingly, women do not report the same level of intimacy as men do with their cross-gender friendships. Even women who count men among their close friends feel barriers between them. Women will say things such as, "I have fun with men, and they can even be supportive and helpful about some things, but it's just not the same. If I try to talk to my male friends the same way I talk to my female friends, I'm always disappointed." At first glance the payoff for men seems to be bigger than the payoff for women in cross-gender friendships, but that's not necessarily true. Women report great enjoyment from the diversity their friendships with men bring to their lives.

So, does all this mean the answer to the question about men and women being friends is yes? Few relationship issues are that plain and simple. The real answer is "it depends." So, you say, let's cut to the chase: What do these relationships depend upon? They depend upon how much each person in the relationship is willing to stretch and grow. These friendships, you see, require both men and women to call upon parts of themselves that are usually less accessible when relating to their typical same-sex friends. For a man, a female friend allows him to express his more emotional side, to experience his vulnerability, to treat himself and his friend more tenderly than is permissible with male friends. What is typically missing for him in this cross-gender relationship, however, is the kind of rough camaraderie he can have with another man. For a woman, friendship with a man helps her express her independent, more reasoned, and tougher side—the harder edge that's kept under wraps in relationships with women. The downside for her is the relative absence of emotional reciprocity and intensity she normally shares with a female friend.

So, okay, twist our arms for a yes or no answer to this question and the answer will be yes. But we will quickly qualify it: Men and women can enjoy friendship together, but not at the same level they do with friends of the same sex.

32 Comments:

Anonymous Female Friend said...

Hey I have lots of male friends. I do on occasion decide that I want to fuck their brains out. The sexual tension is released then we can go back to being friends. What is the problem?

23.8.05  
Anonymous RON MEXICO said...

Can I be your friend

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

Damm Ron I thought Malibu would beat you to posting that!

LOL!

23.8.05  
Anonymous sexymama said...

Snoop/guys: All this discussion does is tell me that I should NEVER completely trust my man to be around other females. Period. Is that what you are saying? Are you saying that any man will screw any woman, if they are willing, unless the woman is related or just plain older than dirt or butt ugly!?

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

well...........uh........hmmmmmmmmm...........well...................................hmmmm.....................................uh............................YES!

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

I thought about it again and the answer is still YES!

23.8.05  
Blogger MALIBU JONES said...

Whats up Snoop, why you picking on me, I have female friends, that don't give me any

23.8.05  
Anonymous RON MEXICO said...

I do agree with Snoop, SexyMamma, do not let your man talk to anyone, I guess that is why I am single, Men are hunters and like to conquer whatever they can get their hands on, Everytime I meet a woman, I size her up, like the ole rap song - "I like big butts and I cannot lie"
Now I do have women friends, who give me advise and I wouldn't trade that for anything, and no, I haven't had sex with them, not that I wouldn't like to
but we keep it real

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

C'mon M.J. dude you gonna have to send me photos, what do they look like. I’m just skeptical :-)

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

I size her up, like the ole rap song...Man I wuz in tears LOL!

23.8.05  
Anonymous sexymama said...

Hmmmm. So what you boys are saying is that a man should never ever ever ever ever be trusted alone with another female (espcially if that female is fine and/or willing?). That certainly makes me feel better. Guess I'll have to put cameras up at my man's office, to keep an eye on him when he's out of sight.

I personally have lots of male friends, and yea some of them probably would have enjoyed a roll in the hay with me - had I been so inclined. But I wasn't and mainly because doing it with them would be icky, to the max. Like screwing your dad! Ewwwwwwww. But not ALL of them viewed me that way..I'm pretty sure.... hmmmmmmm.

So, Snoop/MJ/Ron etc...don't you have ANY female friends that are like sisters....... ladies for whom none of those tingly feelings "rise up".

23.8.05  
Blogger MALIBU JONES said...

Of course I do, , I grew up with my sisters, female cousins, and a lot of female friends see me as someone they can trust, I have one female friend for over 30 years, we have stayed closed, and can call each other anytime, without our signficant other getting jealous
Besides Snoop, if I sent you pics, you wouldn't believe it, now don't get me wrong, If they offered, I would not turn it down, but it's more than that
if the lifelong friendship and trust that can't be compromised

23.8.05  
Anonymous Terrymum said...

http://www.blurofinsanity.com/honestlove.html says:
Men don't really have female friends. They may say they want to be your friend, or that they are doing things for you because you are 'friends' - but you are not their friend. They are 'acting' like they are your 'friend' because they are trying to have sex with you. This is a fact. Trust us, as much as you think you are a wonderful, fascinating, exciting female, you really aren't so interesting to men.

The reality is, men would always rather hang out with other men - there are no exceptions. Just accept that it's true.

23.8.05  
Blogger MALIBU JONES said...

Sorry, but I really disagree, I have some female friends I would never, never, ever even consider kissing, let along having sex with, just as you probably have men friends you feel the same way about. You don't know me, so there is entirely no way to prove to you that I am right on this, so the argument stands

23.8.05  
Anonymous sexymama said...

I have friends like that myself, and believe others can too. Maybe it is jus SNOOP that cannot ever truly be "jus frends" with a woman?

23.8.05  
Anonymous RON MEXICO said...

ok. I would really like to know Female Friend, seriously, a lot of times, sex just complicates things, women get attached, men get p-whipped, I have female friends I have sex with in the past, no attachments, they knew this going into it, so it's all good, I telling you this because y'all couldn't pick me out of a line up, if both the man & woman agree, and stick to that agreement, there are no problems, there are some women who keeps tallies, notches in their headboard, just like men, so that's the double standard, men are called players, women are called ho's, that not fair, but that society, hell I like meeting women who likes it as much as me
that's a challenge

23.8.05  
Anonymous RON MEXICO said...

have you seen's snoop pic?
black homer simpson, just wondering how close he looks like that in person and of all the characters he could have picked out, he picked that one
no woman would even look his way
sorry, I couldn't resist that, he has to be faithful to his woman
which is a good thing,

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

I have a few female friends who are like sisters. In fact when I introduce them I do so as “my sister”. We raised our kids together, family outings whatever. Known them for 20 plus years. The main deal was my respect for them. The husbands are like brothers. We have a long history it would have never crossed my mind to do anything funny, like I said it was a respect thing. That is the only way it would work.

Now...
There are more woman like “Female Friend” then they like to admit. Its a way of having fuck buddies. It is also a way of controlling her “stud stock”. "If your a nice boy I'll give you some" BACK AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! You women know I’m right dammit!

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

El B was right...I don't have that much hair. Hey I would talk about how cute I am but Mrs. Snoop reads this...........well U know.......
DON'T SAY IT RON OR M.J.!!!

23.8.05  
Blogger MALIBU JONES said...

why do you keep referring to me and Mexico in the same sentence, I believe men can have female friends and I do have them, without anything going on, I have daughters, nieces, sisters and would never degrade them in anyway

23.8.05  
Anonymous RON MEXICO said...

oK just fucken with you Snoop, but you are right
women are closet freaks
I have one with me right now
can't tell you what she's doing (X-rated) and I have a buddy who gets more married than when he was single, but that's his thing, it's like the ring is a magnet, what's that about - he is always telling me things, I am thinking about writing a book about his adventures

23.8.05  
Anonymous RON MEXICO said...

I just took a survey where I am at and guess what, everyone likes to FUCK, and everyone would like to FUCK at least one friend, just once, now all they have to do is to get that friend to agree for the hell of it, then go back to being friends, I am in that majority, so I will try to conduct this experiment and get back with the findings

23.8.05  
Anonymous Pink said...

Yes we do use sex to get attention and to keep men (friends) in check. But most women won't admit that.

23.8.05  
Anonymous Ms. Bloggy said...

You guys are dead wrong. You watched too much Sex and the City. We don’t do the fuck buddy thing. I’m not positive but I would hope that women are more responsible and that men are not that stupid. I have lots of guy friends and we do flirt but we all know the boundaries. I have known most of them since we were in elementary school. Respect does play a big role. But if people are as screwed up as you guys make them out to be we are all in trouble.

23.8.05  
Anonymous No Diddy, Just P said...

Check out the females in the photos when women get too friendly and feel they can wear whatever, rub all up on you, tease, do the touchy grabby crap then its over.
If after engaging in “friendly behavior” dude gets a hard on then the woman gets offended. That does not make any sense to me!
Its true, the two can’t be attracted to each other in any way. Now having said that just because we get a hard on does not mean we want to marry you either. Its not love bulging out of our pants!

23.8.05  
Blogger Snoop said...

Sexymama, now Snoop CAN be just friends with a woman...IF she looks like Janet Reno!!!

23.8.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have lots of lady friends. i just don't tell my wife. Female Friend where are you from?

23.8.05  
Anonymous PT Pimp said...

This will piss sexymama off but, I don’t believe in God but if he can deliver on that prayer...
“I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat” hell I can become a church goin’ man.
Snoops right we are pigs.

23.8.05  
Anonymous ron mexico said...

Whoa, Anonymous, Female Friend is my friend, you have to stand in line..People sex is a physical act, like baseball, you have a bat, a ball well two balls, your goal is the hit a home run. you may strike out sometimes, but when you hit the homerun, there is nothing better, fuck the triple.
the problem is men & women make it mental, that is where the problem starts, emotions, it gets ugly, treat it like a sport and everyone will be ok, a safe sport that is, wear your helmet

23.8.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

“Everytime I meet a woman, I size her up, like the ole rap song”
Every man does this, I don’t listen to rap but I doubt “an old Yani song” would fit. Hey ladies, especially you sexymama. Every time you walk into a grocery store, laundry, office. Hell if you are taking out the trash, taking the dog for a walk men are looking. Some just hide “the look” better than others do.
Any man who says he does not size up a woman the moment he sees her is just flat lying.
So do you women actually think that the guys who says they “are just friends” are not checking out your ass when you walk by. Ask yourself would a “friend” do that?

24.8.05  
Anonymous mitzibel said...

Okay, so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, yeah, they can be friends, and yeah, there may well be sexual tension on one or both sides, but that doesn't mean a friendship doesn't exist.
The best roommate (and one of the best friends) I ever had was a dude. A dude who'd had a crush on me a couple of years back when we'd first met. Whether he still harbored said crush, or anything close to it, while we shared an apartment, I'll never know, because he was too sensitive and intelligent to make an issue of it, even when we were really, really drunk. And in return I didn't hang out in skimpy pyjamas or run from the bathroom to my bedroom nekkid after a shower, and I always turned the radio up real loud when I had a date with the latex boyfriend. And all was well in Gove and Misty Land, and had I not met Trey, we'd probably still be smoking pot in West Hills together to this day.
Wait a minute, where was I going with that?

26.8.05  
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2.2.07  

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